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12 Principles for Self Mastery: How I Went from a Scarcity Mindset to one of Abundance

December 5/by JC

For me, it’s important to go over some of these past articles to see how far I’ve come. This one is another classic post from my days in LTD.

As I’ve expressed in several posts, it was during this time that I learned what would later become the foundation of all my entrepreneurial knowledge. It was inexpensive training that I thought (and still think) anyone could benefit from. That said, MLM’s are not for everyone. So that’s why I wrote these pieces early on – to help bring that knowledge to a wider group.

In this post originally dated December 4th, 2011, I list 12 principles which were really important to me at the time. They helped me move from a scarcity mindset to one that was more abundant.

If you’re looking for some good principles to base your self improvement on – this is a good place to start! Enjoy!

As you know, I’m making a major push in my life to actually get things done that I’ve wanted to achieve for several years now. One of those things is hire a professional coach. It’s been almost a year since mom passed, and I really need to get moving forward with creating a my own functional business. With the release of the LTD Media and Message Apps, I have been reminded more frequently of my Amway business, but truth be told – I haven’t taken much action. So I believe a coach there will surely help.

One thing I’ve realized during my time in LTD is that I want to surround myself with people who have an abundant thinking process. While not everyone has the same personality (some are more emotion oriented than others), I believe that living a life of abundance is something everyone can do.

It’s just a few core principles away – specifically 12.

So here are those principles I hope you can use to get out of whatever funk you might be finding yourself in!

The Principles of Self Mastery

1. Challenges aren’t Problems, They’re Opportunities

Problems are negative by definition. When you call a challenge an opportunity, then it’s turned into a positive situation where you can learn, grow, and meet your full potential.

2. Walls of Opportunity

With the previous statement, we see that obstacles in our life are there for us to grow and learn from. We can learn how to go over, go around, go under or exterminate problems in our lives. Once we do this, they’re no longer an unsolvable barrier to limit us from who we are.

3. Ideal or Nothing

It’s not ready, aim, fire. It’s ready, fire, aim. It is always better to take dumb action even though it’s not the exact action you want to take. Don’t miss opportunities because you’re trying to find or force the perfect one.

4. Time vs Priorities

Everyone that is, has been, or will be, has had the same amount of time in a day, week, month, and year (unless, of course, we colonize another planet with a different definition of time). With that said, the reason why people don’t achieve more in their life is because they don’t know how to prioritize better than what they’re currently prioritizing. Next time you’re tempted to say “I don’t have time,” remember yourself that you determined yourself that it was you who determined it wasn’t a high enough priority. Doing this will help you realize what you really value and how you can prioritize tasks and activities.

5. Good vs. Great

The enemy of Great isn’t bad – it’s good. Many times we don’t achieve something great because we didn’t do something bad, it’s because we did something good and settled for that particular result.

6. Thinking Not Knowing

Have you ever thought about the response “I don’t know” when you asked someone “What do you think?”? If you think about it, that’s not even the right response to that question. No one asked what the other person knows – they were asked what they thought. If someone asks you what you think, don’t be afraid to let them know what you think. If anything, you open up dialogue and communication with others.

7. The Multiplier Rule

When we take positive action, that action will be multiplied into two positive actions and so on. This rule could also be thought of as the Domino Effect as well as “adding a zero to a partner’s income”.

8. Values in Life

Whatever your values are, it is important to know what yours are and to make choices that are logically connected to them.

9. Roller Coaster Effect

Inconsistent action leads to a roller coaster effect of results. The more consistent your activity is in getting a result, the more likely it will be that you get that result. Consistent effort and follow through will make a huge difference in achieving your goals and dreams.

10. Focus and Duplication

You can do more with your time if you realize that 20% of your effort produces 80% of yours results. Once you know what 20%, spend your time on that 20% and figure out what tools, people, and systems can help with the other 80% of that effort. Don’t focus on making people exact copies of you – help them become a better version of themselves and show them where they fit into the big picture.

11. Stewardship

What gifts and traits do you naturally possess? What traits do others have? Figure out your strengths and share them with those less fortunate. If you do not, they will lose, but you will have the biggest loss. Help someone today!!

12. Never Quit

Mistakes and errors are learning opportunities. They’re not disastrous!! Learn from them and move on. You’ll be better the next time!! Failure to do so will result in disaster.

Action Steps

So really nothing to out of the ordinary here, right? I’ll tell you, when I first heard them, they made sense – but it didn’t seem like life could be THAT easy!!

Over time, though, I’ve realized that they have a ton of merit. Just like the Four Agreements.

Speaking of which, how do you think they relate to the Four Agreements or other rules that you might have heard? What would you add to this list? Let me know below in the comments!

Making Winning Connections: Relationship Building Tips for Life and Business

November 21/by JC

As the Junto is starting to grow, I realize that there’s going to be more and more opportunities for people to connect with others who are seemingly going the same direction as they are.

To make sure they are, here’s a few notes from a recent John Maxwell course called the Mentor’s Guide to Relationships. I hope you can use the information presented here to make sure that a pursuing a certain relationship is worth your time.

At the very least, I want to help you realize if you’re in a one way relationship. One that you might be putting way too much energy in yourself and not getting anything back from it.

So let’s start off by looking at the four different levels of relationships.

Four Levels of Relationships

Surface Relationships

Now, when you’re on social media (or anywhere else for that matter) and you’re just meeting someone – you’re engaging in the most basic and common form of a relationship. A surface relationship is one where there’s really no strong commitment from either person and it’s a very passive interaction.

An example of a surface level relationship is just randomly adding a “friend” on Facebook and they in turn accepting that request. You might have just added them to your friends list because they have a lot of mutual friends – even though you don’t really know who they are.

Acquaintances would be part of this this level.

Just remember, all real friends start off as strangers at one point. So, just give it some time if you want things to grow…

Structured Relationships

The next level of a relationship is what’s called the structured relationship. These relationships are with people who meet at certain times. This can mean daily, weekly, or monthly.

Generally speaking this type of routine based engagement is centered around some sort of interest or activity such as an Meetup. In the online business world, it might mean a mastermind group. Or in the typical offline world, it can mean a group of students.

Outside of that group, there’s not much meaning for those people to interact – so they don’t.

Secure Relationships

The next level of relationships are those that when members of a structured relationships start appreciating the bond.

At this level, trust begins to form as the need to spend more time together grows. Most of the time, these folks will have no problems sharing with each other. And there’s a bit of a comfort zone feeling with these folks.

When you were going to school, these were the study friends. Perhaps they were the friends that you hung out with before games. Or maybe they were your fellow band friends who you’d play euchre with each day. But the main thing was that these folks started relying on you as you relied on them.

In business, this might be someone that you decide to joint venture with on a particular project such as a course or new podcast.

Solid Relationships

Next up, we have the highest of all relationships – the solid relationship. At this level, not only do full trust and confidentiality exist, but there is a need to give back to the other party if they’ve helped you in some way.

Of course, this is the basis for a long term relationship.

If we were to think of the school analogy, your close friends were (or are still) examples of this! While, in the business world, you’d start new businesses with these folks.

Avoid High Maintenance Relationships

When I first started dating Maria I had a very strong feeling of “normality” when we were together. She felt like someone that I had known for a long time.

Society suggests – especially TV – that a normal romantic relationship is something that has a lot of maintenance to it. Drama and fighting is to be expected – not calmly discussing the issues at hand.

The truth is that this shouldn’t be the case in ANY relationship you want to make long term – including romantic relationships!

So how do you know if you’re in a high maintenance relationship?

In his book, High Maintenance Relationships, author Les Parrott talks about 12 different types of people who it would be hard to get along with – especially over a significant amount of time.

Critic – constantly complains and gives unwanted advice.
Martyr – forever the victim and wracked with self-pity.
Wet Blanket – pessimistic and automatically negative.
Steam Roller – blindly insensitive to others.
Gossip – spreads rumors and leaks secrets.
Control Freak – unable to let go and let be.
Backstabber – irrepressibly two-faced.
Cold Shoulder – disengages and avoids contact.
Green Eyed Monster – seethes with envy.
Volcano – builds steam and is ready to erupt.
Sponge – constantly in need but gives nothing back.
Competitor – keeps track of tit for tat.

Are you with one of these types of individuals? If so, you might want to move on.

If you wouldn’t be in romantic relationships with someone with one or several of these particular traits, why would you want to be in business with them… or visa versa?

Going from Surface to Solid Relationships

In the past week, I’ve relearned how awkward people can be when it comes to developing real relationships. Whether it’s simple friendships, jv partnerships, or going after a life partner… the goal is to not be a weirdo.

Believe me, I learnt the hard way!

So how do you go from adding a friend on Facebook to making them a good friend, business partner, or building something that could be even more?

Here’s 5 traits of a solid relationship.

Mutual Enjoyment

Here’s the truth. Spend time with people who enjoy your presence. If you feel that you’re having to pry and overly try with the relationship, it’s probably not a good foundation and you should move on.

Don’t be an irritant!

Respect

What’s the best way to make sure you’re not an irritant?

Be respectful of the other person.

Forget the golden rule of treating people how you’d want to be treated. Instead, treat people like they would like to be treated.

What’s that mean?

Learn how they want to be interpreted. Find out their story. Be curious and let them be the storyteller. Find out where they went to school and for what. If they didn’t go to school, find out what they’ve learned “the hard way”.

If you’re unclear as to how to read a certain topic with them – don’t feel like you have to assume something – this usually works out negatively if you do. No question is dumb. Just say “I’m not sure how to ask this but…” if you’re completely unsure how to ask something.

Have a problem with them? Let them know. Likewise, if they feel like they have a problem with you, they should come to you about it.

Make a point to get to know someone, but not for manipulative purposes. If they tell you something that’s a secret, don’t tell anyone. If they are hesitant in a certain area, learn how to help bring out the best in them through their own permission.

Mutual Shared Experiences

There’s a reason why military veterans get along as well as they do even if they didn’t know each other prior to them first getting together.

What’s the reason?

They have shared similar experiences.

From day 1, they’re taught to trust each other to be part of a larger organism. When you count on someone to do a certain action which allows you to do your job, then you’re going to care about that other person more. Cause if they get taken out, then you won’t be able to do what you need to do properly.

Sports players are the same way.

When talking about developing a winning football team, Vince Lombardi said, “The difference between mediocrity and greatness is the feeling these guys have for each other.”

It makes sense. If the line doesn’t do their job and block, then the ball handlers can’t do their jobs. The result is that the ball doesn’t go anywhere.

Reciprocity

For the above teams to win, that caring feeling needs to be mutual between teammates – whether on a battlefield with bullets… or on the gridiron.

Right here is how you can tell if a relationship is worth your time to develop. If you feel like everything is running smoothly, then everything is fine.

However, if you feel that the other person is getting a better deal, bring it up with them. If they don’t acknowledge it, then it might be time to move onto another relationship.

If you feel like you’re getting a better deal, then it’s your job to make sure that they’re being evenly compensated.

Trust

Trust comes over time and is the result of the previous 4 traits humming along just fine. Don’t forget that intentions don’t really matter when it comes to other people.

It’s all about actions.

When your actions match your words, that’s how you build trust.

Just make sure that those actions are positive and truly helpful to the other party!

Action Steps

As you might have realize, relationships are something that I take seriously. There was a time when I wasn’t super great at them – so I made it a point to go out of my way to learn about them. If you want to learn more about building great relationships, I’d check out the book by John Maxwell and Les Parrott 25 Ways to Win with People: How to Make Others Feel Like a Million Bucks

As you probably know, I’m a big fan of John’s and he has ton’s on this topic!

What is Networking: A Way to Get More Stuff Done!

October 3/by JC

With the recent creation of the Junto on Facebook some members have started calling me “networking machine”. I don’t know about that particular title, but one of my joys is getting people and ideas together to do awesome things!

I guess you could call that networking. And if that’s the case, then yeah – I’m a networker. Or as I would rather call it – a Connector.

In this post originally written in August 14, 2012, I wrote about how anyone can be an effective connector. However, to start being a connector – you have to connect first!

So let’s look at how to do that more effectively in our day to day lives:

Identifying Puzzle Pieces:

Yesterday I was on a call where we were talking about the benefits of partnering with nonprofits to expand business. Normally, in the past, this wouldn’t have made sense to me to spend time doing. Why? Because, most of the nonprofits I’ve known about in the past were the type of people that are for a Nanny State. They want to take care of people (which, in theory, is great!) but do it on the dime of the taxpayer (not so great!). They live mainly on grants.

While many nonprofits can be described as this, there are many others that actually perform their own fundraising initiatives. Those were the nonprofits we were talking about – and it was interesting to learn how one might leverage people who you know to break into those nonprofits.

And it got me thinking, how do I network now compared to when I was in school? Even in recent years?

When I was in school, I just randomly met people with very little purpose. Nowadays, I’m always playing the role of HR director in my head.

(For what it’s worth, the call was with Mark Boersma and Tom Kunz)

Networking in Our Daily Lives

If you’re looking to get anything done, there is a list of generalized steps that you’re probably going to take whether you know you’re doing it or not:

Plan
Take Action on that Plan
Get Results
Re-evaluate the Plan
Adjust that Action
Get Different Results

Nowhere in those 6 steps did I mention that other people had to be a factor. Here’s the thing. There’s only so many hours in a day, and there’s only so many strengths that you have. If you spend your time working on your weaknesses to get things done and not on your strengths, you’re going to get a lot less done with your time.

Part of the key of being Great is being Effective. If you use Appreciative Inquiry in how you see the world, you see a lot more opportunities – including opportunities with other people.

Not part of a Traditional Organization?

So, what to do if you’re a solopreneur who’s not part of an organization like a Chamber of Commerce or a Rotary group?

Not a big deal – Just get out to other events and network. Get to know people. Build relationships. The more relationships you have, the more people that you can add value to, the more things will work out for you.

Zig Ziglar is well known for saying, “You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want.”

Start helping others out!

Who Are These People?

Generally speaking, I like to network with those that I can work with to get something done together. I feel the more productive people that I have in my life, the more, in return, I can get done. I actively think about and look for those people.

In doing so, I consider personalities, strengths, and weaknesses.

I consider personalities because I want easy people to work with. If you’re a particular type of personality, do you want to have similar people like yourself to work with or someone that might be more of a compliment in skills but you think is a complete ass? While having complementing skills can be useful, in the long run, if the personalities don’t mesh, it’ll have a polarizing effect and potentially kill what you both struggle to build.

As mentioned above, I consider strengths because I need people who fill in for my weaknesses.

But I also consider their weaknesses, because I want to make sure that I can offer them something that they don’t possess. And also, depending on what I’m looking for at the moment, I’ll ask them particular questions which I call key questions.

They can be your Potential Clients too!

These people don’t have to be JUST people you are looking to work with, they can and should include your clients. What kind of clients do you want? Whomever you’re trying to attract, you have to consider what they’re looking for. Do a good job with them, and they’ll recommend you to others!

Also, as a friendly reminder: you’re selling yourself all the time. So make sure you’re making a good first impression of yourself by dressing well everyday.

Just as you would dress up for a job interview, in meeting new friends, or going on a date (which is a form of networking), dress up when you are out and about. You should be prepared to meet that next big client!

At least if you dress well, you have a chance. If you don’t dress your part, you’ll surely miss out!

Action Steps:

First of all, join us in The Junto. Networking is the whole point of the group!

Secondly, let me know how you network. What are some of your secrets in making networking sessions effective? Do you have any key things that you’re thinking and/or wanting to know when you’re meeting with people?? I’d love to hear your thoughts below!

Circling Back to the Beginning: How a Sweat Lodge Realization Opened a Door to True Self and New Opportunities with Eric Finnigan (AoL 103)

September 1/by JC

Who are you really?

This is the question that so many of struggle with when we’re trying to start our first business. Many of us start businesses to make income to replace our day job, not necessarily worrying if the business we’ve created matches our personality or interests.

When you have yourself figured out, however, you have access to the full potential of what your business can become. Because not only is your mind in it, but your heart is as well.

In this session, Daniel and I have the opportunity to chat with Eric Finnigan.

Having lived what most would call a successful life, he felt as if something was missing. It wasn’t until a visit to a sweat lodge that he realized what that something was. He was living to provide himself a safety net – and that was about it.

It wasn’t going to make him truly happy in the end because he wasn’t living as who he really wanted to be.

Join us as we find out more about more about this past life of his, what made him actually choose to pursue life more fully, where the idea for his 3 companies came from, and why his favorite type of personal development is that which is done through emotional and relational intelligence.

Thanks for spending some time with us and enjoy!

SPECIFICALLY, YOU’LL FIND OUT MORE ABOUT:

Who was the old Eric Finnigan in the corporate world? 14:40
Why did Eric move from Syracuse, NY to pursue a career in finance in San Francisco? 17:48
Was he trying to impress someone in his old career or was he strictly trying to build his bank account? 19:52
When did Eric realize that he wasn’t living his life on his own terms? 22:14
How did he eliminate the need for a safety net in his life? 27:22
What did his time in Breckenridge, Colorado for him? 27:52
How did he become an expressive in his writing and connecting with others? 30:05
What gave Eric the idea of starting his first business in copywriting? 34:19
What’s the value of practicing copywriting? 37:13
What are some skills that new entrepreneurs need to develop or have? 39:39
How did he strategically grow this business? 43:45
Where did Business Hacking Retreats come from? 47:35
What is circling? 54:05
Who’s the ideal “customer” for a business hacking retreat? 59:18
What’s the intern excellerator? 1:00:04
What does Eric mean when he talks about personal development through emotional and relational intelligence? 1:11:19
What’s he looking forward to? 1:16:09
3 Top Favorite Influencers? 1:19:18
Least Favorite Social Custom? 1:21:07
What would he do if he woke up as his 10 year old self with all his memories? 1:23:52
Something all high school students must know? 1:25:16
What’s it mean to live a life of abundance? 1:26:24
… and MUCH more!

Right click here and save-as to download this episode to your computer.

ITEMS and PEOPLE MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Eric Online: Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram
The Foundation
Circling – Relational Meditation
Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu translated by Stephen Mitchell (Amazon Link)
Tim Ferriss Podcast
Dane Maxwell AoL Interview
Caleb Maddix
Cohost: Daniel Postma
Click Funnels – Start Your Own Sales Funnel Business by Helping Others Grow Theirs! (14 days free!)

SHOW NOTE EXTRAS:

Eric’s Webinar on Copywriting:

Bright Insight’s review on Tao Te Ching:

Bright Insight’s review on Tao Te Ching (Part 2):

Tim Ferriss on TED – Define Your Fears and Not Your Goals:

Dane Maxwell – Instant Software Business:

Thanks for Listening!

Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Leave a note in the comment section below!

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of the post.

Also, please leave an honest review for The AoL Podcast on iTunes! Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! They do matter in the rankings of the show, and we read each and every one of them.

If you have any questions feel free to email them over via the email mentioned in the show or by our contact form.

And finally, don’t forget to subscribe to the show on iTunes, Stitcher, Soundcloud, and/or Google Play Music. It’s absolutely free to do so.

A huge thank-you to you guys for joining us!

Cheers!

Just Getting Started: Why Execution is More Important Than Having the Best Business Ideas with Jeremy Miller (AoL 101)

August 17/by JC

What could possibly come after the big 100th episode of AoL? How about an episode where the guest does pretty much everything we talk about in that session item by item.

In this session, Albert and I are joined by Jeremy Miller. Jeremy is a well known entrepreneur around Indianapolis due to his speaking engagements and the work that he does through the multiple companies he’s involved with.

What’s great is that just like Dane Maxwell back in session 56, Jeremy’s been able to use entrepreneurship as a way to put his energy into something that has give him purpose.

Here’s the catch, though. While Dane found entrepreneurship in college, Jeremy found it while he was still in high school.

And now that he’s graduated, he’s really starting to open things up! He’s not wasting time stuck in a chair preparing for tests!

In this conversation, we learn more about his backstory, his perspectives on some of the general mindsets that someone considering to be an entrepreneur needs, and why execution beats the best business ideas!

Thanks for spending some time with us and enjoy!

SPECIFICALLY, YOU’LL FIND OUT MORE ABOUT:

How’d Jeremy get into entrepreneurship? 11:09
Did he have a mentor and how did he end up seeking them out? 13:45
How does Jeremy balance work, travel and life? 16:54
Where did he travel to once graduating? 22:07
How did Jeremy start living intentionally? 28:27
Jeremy’s thoughts on over executing the competition vs worrying about stealing an idea. 30:59
What are some steps that people can take to make a difference in the world? 33:30
Which is right? The perspective of finding passion in your work or your passion leading to the work you do? 37:31
What’s Jeremy looking forward to in the not too distant future? 40:37
What are his Top 3 favorite books? 43:17
What’s his least favorite social custom? 44:17
What advice does he hear adults giving young kids that he’d call BS on? 49:51
How can someone be a difference maker in their own community? 52:20
… and MUCH more!

Right click here and save-as to download this episode to your computer.

ITEMS and PEOPLE MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

SHOW NOTE EXTRAS:

Jeremy’s Story:

Jeremy on WTHR 13:

Subaru Impreza Movie:

Mike Rowe on NOT following Your Passion:

Thanks for Listening!

Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Leave a note in the comment section below!

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of the post.

If you have any questions feel free to email them over via the email mentioned in the show or by our contact form.

And finally, don’t forget to subscribe to the show on iTunes, Stitcher, Soundcloud, and/or Google Play Music. It’s absolutely free to do so.

A huge thank-you to you guys for joining us!

Cheers!

Learning How to be an Entrepreneur: A Review of 2 Years of Business, Podcasting, and Life with Laila Rahmatian (AoL 100)

August 10/by JC

It’s been nearly 2 years since I started this podcast. In those two years, I’ve been able to meet a ton of awesome people. Many who have been great connections that have opened me up to various ideas and new concepts. Even new ways of thinking.

The same could be said for Laila Rahmatian, who joined the show as frequent co-host after her first interview on session 14.

Since then, we’ve both had our growing pains and learning curves as we’ve climbed the entrepreneurial ladder.

In this session, we go over everything we’ve learned in the last couple of years. From taking a stand and using your past to be part of your future to not having to re-create the wheel, we’ve learned a ton!

Join us as we recap some of that information and discuss some of the common themes that we’ve learned along the way.

Thanks for spending some time with us and enjoy!

SPECIFICALLY, YOU’LL FIND OUT MORE ABOUT:

What’s Laila been up to recently since she was last on the show? 8:53
How has a goal of traveling more been able to give her the power to get more accomplished? 16:15
Where’s JC at in business after 100 sessions of the AoL podcast? 19:14
Things that Laila has learned while being involved with the AoL Podcast? 34:34
What has JC learned through doing the podcast thus far? 44:27
What are common themes that we’ve heard about throughout the different interviews of the show? 52:56
What’s a short roadmap that new entrepreneurs should follow as they’re getting started based on what we’ve learned through 100
podcasts? 1:11:50
What are we looking forward to working on from here? 1:20:56
Who are three influencers that have helped Laila get to where she is today? 1:23:54
JC’s Top 3 favorite books to tell others about? 1:25:22
Something Laila still wishes was a thing? 1:26:57
What was the smallest decision that JC made that had the largest impact on his life? 1:29:28
What is something Laila thinks all high school students must know? 1:31:02
Most awe-inspiring person JC has ever met in person? 1:32:54
… and MUCH more!

Right click here and save-as to download this episode to your computer.

ITEMS and PEOPLE MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Laila Online: Website, Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram
Get your FREE consultation with Laila!
Laila’s first AoL SessionAoL Interviews mentioned in this show: Cole Johnson, Mirna Bacun, Sara Divello, Brian Drury, Veronica Kirin, Sharlotte Bouniol (silver),
Ascension and Amplify Indy
America Multi-Sport Viking Dash Series
The Brendon Show
Wedding Fit Forever FB Group
Expert Secrets by Russell Brunson
Will It Fly by Pat Flynn
Wired That Way by Marita Littauer (Amazon Link)
John Maxwell’s Daily Routine
ClickFunnels – Your One Stop Solution for Building Great Sales Funnels! (Get 14 days free!)

SHOW NOTE EXTRAS:

Why Laila Quit Her Job:

Why Laila Chose NOT to take the Professional Engineer Exam:

Reflection: 2 Years After Wedding:

Why You Need the Perfect Wedding Photographer:

Thanks for Listening!

Thanks so much for joining us again this week. Have some feedback you’d like to share? Leave a note in the comment section below!

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the top of the post.

If you have any questions feel free to email them over via the email mentioned in the show or by our contact form.

And finally, don’t forget to subscribe to the show on iTunes, Stitcher, Soundcloud, and/or Google Play Music. It’s absolutely free to do so.

A huge thank-you to you guys for joining us!

Cheers!

5 Strategies to Build Good Rapport (Originally posted 10.5.2010)

July 18/by JC

In the next couple of weeks, I’m going to be digging through the blog’s archive and doing some cleanup. Some posts I’ll be taking out all together while other ones I’ll be making more SEO friendly.

There comes a point where this kind of work needs to be done. Some call it taking inventory, others call it clipping the branches. Todd Tresidder calls it “Content Auditing”.

The point being is that there’s nearly 300 posts in the blog at this point and some it is relevant while there’s plenty that isn’t. I need to yank out what isn’t relevant anymore and re-release the good stuff!

So let’s get started! – JC

Being Technically Gifted

Many of us technical types (especially those of us who studied STEM majors in college) tend to have some sort of social anxiety. This is especially noticeable in the Big Bang Theory. All of the men have some sort of social issue.

I think that’s why it’s been one of my favorite shows over the years. I can relate directly with the characters – especially Sheldon and Leonard.

Many times I find myself being as ignorant about social situations as Sheldon. But other times, like Leonard, I make efforts to get out of my comfort bubble. To me, it’s very interesting to notice the differences between the two of them. Because other than Leonard’s people skills and his development of them, he and Sheldon are definitely 2 peas in the same pod.

One of the main differences that I see between the two of them is that Leonard can and does attempt to build rapport with people. A great example of this is when he went out of his way to welcome Penny in when she first came to their apartment complex. He could have done this or done the comfortable thing and simply hung out with the guys. Many technically inclined guys would have opted to stick with what they knew instead of greeting the pretty girl. In the geek world, we’re all scared of talking to the opposite sex.

Through the life of the show, he definitely seems to be the glue amongst among the girls and guys and this is a great quality to have. And really, to me, that’s what having good rapport is all about!

Matching and Mirroring to Build Rapport

So how do you build rapport? Well, the answer, sadly, isn’t just “be yourself”.

If that was the answer, you probably wouldn’t be asking the question in the first place, right? If being yourself has made you feel more alienated every time you do it, then there has to be some sort of unspoken rules.

Well, here are some tips on what to focus on the next time you’re attempting to get to know and build connections with some people. And for me, they all have to do with matching what those you’re talking to are doing.

1. Match Posture / Physiology

This is pretty simple. And you’ve probably heard about this one before. But this is a big part of that “body language” that you hear so much about. Imitate and match body posture and movements when you can with people you’re talking with.

If they’re moving their arms about to be more visual in describing something. Match that. If they’re being stoic – match that. If they’re smiling while talking – you guessed it, MATCH THAT! They’ll find you less likely as someone who’s a potential threat because they’ll believe that you’re in the moment with them. Treat them like a good friend and they might end up as one.

2. Match Rhythmic Movements

Yet another part of body language. Rhythmic movements are a finer aspect of moving. This is what dance is all about. It’s also why music is often a topic when people are getting to know each other. Saying that you enjoy several types of music suggests that you are open to different beats and different kind of people.

That said, people with ADD/ADHD might have problems with this. So if you feel anxiety at a dance and/or when other people are displaying and enjoying rhythmic movements and you wonder what it’s all about, you might want to look into Rhythmic Movement Training.

Reasons for lacking this ability could be as simple as having an ear infection when you were exploring it when you were growing up. Like anything else, it’s never too late to learn this new life skill.

3. Match Tone, Tempo & Volume of Voice

Ah yeah, the problem that Raj has around attractive women. As you should probably know, language is not just about body movements – it’s also about verbal communication. And just because most of your language is done nonverbally, it doesn’t mean you should disregard training of the voice when engaging with people. Matching your voice tone (pitch – high or low), tempo (speed – fast or slow), and volume with those that you are talking with is just as important as learning how to use the same movements.

4. Match Breathing

Possibly not the most obvious thing to think about when you’re learning how to build rapport with people. But it’s definitely another thing to consider. Become aware of the other person’s rate of breathing. If they are breathing slowly, then slow your breathing down to the same rate. People who are in rapport with each other tend to breath in the same rhythm. This can be very beneficial to you if you’re trying to calm someone down or crank them up. For an experiment of sorts, you can try this one with babies or children. If the baby or child is upset, their rate of breathing will be fast. First match your breathing rate to theirs. Do this for thirty seconds or so. Then start to slow your breathing down. The child’s breathing will also slow down, enabling them to calm down. If their breathing doesn’t slow down, just match theirs again for longer and then repeat the exercise.

5. Match Process (VAK) Words

This one I’ve never really considered until recently. But process words or words that help paint pictures visually, audibly, or kinetically are key in conversations – just as much as correct body language is. If someone is describing something visually, don’t speak in audible terms. Join them in visual description and understanding. If they’re describing something kinetically and suggesting that they “felt” something was right, join them by saying “Yeah, I felt the same way!” not “Yeah, I hear what you’re saying there.” When you’re using the same process words, there is definitely a different type of tone that you’re matching.

Action Steps:

The next time you’re attempting to be friendly with someone and want to set them at ease from the beginning, try and match their behavior.

Go to their level.

If you would like to know more about matching others and why and how this all works, one subject you might want to look into is Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). However it’s power goes well beyond building rapport.

Here’s a video illustrating more about it and how it can enrich your own professional and personal life: